be you, bravely.

You know what no one told me?  They never told me how scary life was going to be when you get to the age where you're supposed to have your crap figured out.  People prepare you that moving out of your house is scary; that finding your other half is scary.  But they don't prepare you for the day that you wake up and realize you're not where you thought you would be.

It's not that I'm sheltered.  

I've done scary: I've sent people off, not knowing what would happen over the course of a couple of years; I've let go; I've picked up the pieces of my failures; I've traveled half way across the world on a whim--spent my days eating who-knows-what & singing karaoke & translating every word I needed to say.

I've done even-scarier:  I've taken giant leaps of faith, seemingly alone; I've dated someone who was 13 hours away, knowing that everyone thought we were crazy; I've let myself fall in love with my best friend.

& now I am doing scariest.  I'm doing this whole "Well, you're 24, Alison.  What's next?" game.  & it. is. terrifying.

Wanna know the plan?  I was supposed to marry & have a jillion children & live in the countryside & have it all together.  I was supposed to spend my days wiping sticky fingers and grimy faces & making memories.  & the reality is, I am spending them doing just that, but with other people's kids.  & I love them.  I do.

But there will always be that ache for more.  I will always want 17 children running around what will undoubtedly be a disastrously messy house while a home-cooked meal cooks to perfection in the oven.  I will always want to have walls displaying children's masterpieces & a kitchen table with all of its chairs filled.

& someday, we will.  But for now I'm learning to truly be me, bravely.  I'm learning to be the best wife I can be.  I'm learning to improve myself, learning to laugh a little harder and feel things a little stronger.  & while I'm not at all where I'd thought I wanted to be, I'm learning to feel blessed beyond measure because I am exactly where I should be.  I'm learning that snuggling up with my Brews and helping Sky study and being his support through school is the best thing for not only me but also us.  & I'm learning that where we are is perfect--unexpectedly, unexplainably perfect.