gratitude.

{Disclaimer: Please don't mind the fact that pretty much every sentence says 'grateful.' NBD.}

I have been negative lately.  I'll admit it.  I think there are some definitely-negative people; people who are quick to judge or find fault.  People who are quick to say how I've offended them, when in all reality, I was just speaking my mind about a broad subject, not personally attacking anyone or anything.   I have been biting my tongue [a. lot.] and today I just want to be grateful. I want to not listen to negative comments, not mind the little annoyances.  I am trying so, so hard, but it is so, so hard.  I haven't made a grateful list in a long time, and I decided today I needed more than a list, but a list with reasons.  Here goes:

I am grateful that tonight I got to clean out my closet, because it means that there is more room for Skyler to move in to and less clutter.  I'm grateful that there are brownies in the oven and a fiancé hard at work, and even more grateful that we'll have enough time for a movie together tonight after he gets off, before I need to hit the sack.  I'm grateful for free movie theater passes from a dentist trip, because it meant a relaxing Friday night, and together time.  I'm grateful to have him here--right here, right next to me, always a phone call away, and a dash across town at most.  I remember what it's like to go three months apart from each other at a time, and I don't miss it one bit.  But I'm grateful for that time, because it meant phone calls and love notes, and building a relationship when it was hard: we've already gotten through so much, and I'm grateful that I know we can do anything together.  I'm grateful he is taking me to the temple, and I'm grateful for the promise of eternity.  I'm grateful for someone who is truly my better half.  I'm grateful to be with a hard worker, a comedian, a confidante, and my very best friend.

(I can't even believe this was less-than a year ago...)

I'm grateful for my parents; I'm grateful they raised me to be the woman I am.  I'm grateful they taught me that it's ok to think a little bit outside of the box, and that they always pushed me to push myself. I'm grateful they taught me to be me, and to not let anyone tell me that's wrong.  I'm grateful for a fun family, and for people who love me through everything.

I'm grateful for my education.  The longer I'm in school, the more it tends to frustrate me because I am constantly thinking "I want the next chapter to be here!" but I'm grateful for all of the opportunities it has given me.  I'm grateful for the little minds I've helped to mold, and the way they've molded mine in exchange.

I'm grateful for those months spent in China, teaching English; I'm grateful for that time, because it shaped me and taught me what I want in life, and what I no longer wanted.  I'm thankful for the friends I made, and the memories we created together.  I'm grateful for the wildest few months of my life.  I'm grateful for the chance to travel and to know that there is so much more out there.  I'm grateful for that constant itch to go; that wanderlust.  I'm also grateful for the realization that curling up on my parent's couch will, at least in some ways, always be 'home'.

I'm grateful for a friend who's been my role model, through thick and thin.  I'm grateful for conversations where I'm informed I'm positively psychotic, and yet cared about.  I'm grateful for moments of understanding, where I don't have to say if I'm terrified or worried or overwhelmed, because he already probably knows, and he'll try to fix it, or at least tell me how "ok" it's going to be.  I'm grateful to know I have a lifelong friend.

I'm grateful that I have the best friends in the world.  I decided I must surround myself with the funniest, sweetest, most outrageous people in the world.  It keeps things interesting, and I love them to pieces.  I keep good company, and I have no idea why they put up with me, but I'm grateful they do.

I'm grateful for a warm bed, food in the pantry, and a roof over my head.  I'm grateful that my needs are met, and I think many people forget what that means.  I'm grateful I have a true understanding of what it looks like; I'm grateful for that day, on that sidewalk squeezed in the middle of a city, and those people.  I never know how to tell people what that's like--to see people, living in their filth, with houses made from cardboard and old sheets of metal.  I'm grateful to know that that is real, and it exists, and it happens, and it's not ok.  I'm grateful for the desire to change that, every day.

I'm grateful to live in a country where we have freedom, and we are one.  I'm grateful to have the right to vote, and the privilege to support whoever is selected by my country, as a whole, to be our leader.  I'm grateful that my parents taught me that it's ok to stand up for what you believe, but it's not ok to be an arrogant brat every time you don't get your way.  I'm grateful for a president who I truly believe is doing what he feels is best for our country in the long run.  I'm grateful that I know that I don't have to agree with every choice made, to love my country and my leaders.

I'm grateful that I'm happy. I'm grateful that I've found my happy, and I'm grateful that I know I have so much to be grateful for.  I'm so, so blessed.